Asda’s Place on da’ Internet

DISCALAIMER: THIS POST HAS REALLY GONE DOWN THE PAN, AND I DO NOT HOLD ANY RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY PERSON FEELING FLUSHED!

Today was a right washout, as our toilet decided to pack up. I had just popped over to see Nan, come back and was approached by my landlady Jackie. She was in a right fluster.

“Aaron, can I borrow your mobile, I need to phone the council Emergency, the toilet wont flush and the flush handle has totally fallen off!”

So I lent her my mobile and she rang the emergency repairs people. Arther took me over Nan’s again, as I needed the loo and as I am not too mobile, I needed an escort. So, I did my buisness and came back, when the council bloke turned up. he fiddled and sorted it temporarly, then told us what to do if it goes again. He also told Jackie to go to the housing office and explain that we have no flush and that the old “high level” toilet is so anchient, that it needs replacing instead of repairing.

So…. people came and go, the loo was flushed a few times until….. The loo would not flush! So Jackie got me to look at it, I put the flusher back and asked someone to flush it. When flushed, the entire diapham and syphon mechinism came away, so the loo would not flush full stop. I battled to get it to go back in, standing on the boxing behind the pan, to put it right, but it would not have it!

(Above) Me putting my plumbing skills to good use, fixing the cistern. The light was very bright in the toilet, thus the sunshades!  

Well, as jackie is going to the Council tommrow to get this sorted. I recon they will replace the toilet, as it is so old, it’s past it’ sell-by date. Also, to put the flush mechnism right, they will need to 1st switch off the water to the house, as the toilet comes straight off the rising main, then manually emtpy the cistern, by unscrwinng the flush pipe and holding a bucket underneath to catch the water retained in the cistern, then take the entire cistern off the wall,  then replace the flush mechnism, then put the cistern back on the wall and finally switch on the water again.

Now the problem is, that because the cistern is actually almost at celing hight and that it is made of iron, this will be difficualt. Firstly, the cistern is made of cast iron, so imagine how heavy that is going to be! Secondly, because of the hight of the cistern, a enginner on a ladder could not easily replace the cistern. So in my eyes, it’s cheaper and more economical and also less labour, better in Health and Safety terms for the enginner and also better for everyone, if they rip the boxing behind the toilet pan out, move the pan forward ever so slightly and put a low level suite in there . However, our cat Smokie, will no longer have the window sill to herself as she likes to sit in the loo and smell the fresh air out the window. (I wouldn’t say the air in there is the most pure to smell )

We can only wait and see if the council can get off their lazy “arses” and actually replace something that likly was there since “Year Dot”. LOL, I bet it was there when Jesus was about, and I am sure he knocked on the door centries ago and asked:

“Sorry to trouble you, but I wondered if one of my disciples may releive himself?”

Then during the war, Adolph Hitler likly came round and asked:

“Erbärmlich, Sie zu belästigen, darf ich Ihre Toilette bitte benutzen?”

Then in 1950, the Queen most likly came round and asked:

“Oh, I wonder if one may powder one’s nose? Oh also do you have any Winalot for my Corgies?”

These flats have been here that long and have had that same toilet cistern since when ever the flats were built. (We recon the flats date back to pre war, as they have mega thick walls, which bends a drill bit, if you try to make a hole!)

We shall see, and I will keep you updated on this one. However, we are not totally stuck, we have a bucket of cold water on standby, as it is an ideal way to flush the loo! Just pour the entire contents of the bucket, (plain water that is) straight down the pan, thus washing away anything yuky that is sitting there. Ewwww!

I’ll keep you posted on this issue!